


The Fear Of Falling Apart

by MorganAnne14



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Inspired by Music, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 16:33:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4399286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganAnne14/pseuds/MorganAnne14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco gets into a car crash, and it leaves him brain dead. Jean doesn't have the guts to pull the plug, seeing as Marco is the only one he has left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fear Of Falling Apart

I remember hearing the ringing in my ears when I got the call. Everything just stopped for a moment, even my heart. We don't expect bad things to happen so we use our words carelessly. We never know when our last "I love you" will be said, I can tell you right now that you need to be saying that shit all the time. Marco Bodt, he was sweet, caring, compassionate, always helped others, he was what everyone wanted to be. He had this way about him that just made you smile. It's almost funny now that people used to call him "Freckles Jesus". At the same time I guess it's sickening.  This isn't a fucking funeral though, god no. This is about how I lost everything to prove something. 

 

I bet you're wondering why I'm talking about Marco, let me answer that. On the night of our second anniversary he got into a car crash. I'm not a guy who's good with his feelings, I guess that's why Marco and I got along, because we were soul mates. I loved him, I loved him so much. I mean, I still do. I remember that after it happened everyone acted like I was a piece of glass, which was probably what pissed me off the most. Marco isn't dead, I mean in a way sure he is, but not really. The doctors told me he was brain dead; meaning that the machines were the only things keeping him alive. It would have just been better if he died, I mean that in the nicest non-asshole-ish way possible, but he's basically like a vegetable now.  I think the hardest thing is letting someone go. Another reason why it would have been better to have died in the crash, is so I wasn't stuck with the choice of letting him go. To let the only one I love go, was like taking away my oxygen. People say that soulmates complete each other, and I guess that now I was always going to be a puzzle missing a piece. This isn't some fairytale bullshit. This is real life.  

 

You're probably expecting me to tell you about Marco and I's relationship; sorry to burst your bubble but that won't be happening anytime soon. They say that, "If you love someone let them go, and if they come back to you then their yours.". If I let Marco go, he can't come back. I know it's sick to keep him living like this, but I'm just not ready to let him go.

 

Armin said that I have to ask myself, "What would Marco do if the situation was reversed?". It doesn't matter what he would do, because he can't. He isn't in my situation, the dude can barely live off of machines. That probably sounded asshole-ish. I am often told I'm an asshole though, I basically breathe asshole. No pun intended. So, I guess I should tell you about the night it happened. 

 

As corny as it sounds, Marco and I's anniversary was on the fourth of July. We were sitting in our living room just enjoying each others company. Oh god, I hate using past-tense because it means not anymore. I hate how when I talk about Marco, I have to use "was". Shit. No more pity party, I've got continue. Anyway, Marco had gotten a text on his phone and was smiling at it, of course me being the shit I am I got jealous. Every night, the scene plays over and over in my head. 

 

"Who's the text from?" I growled, I didn't mean to but these things just happen. Marco's smile didn't fade as he chirped out a simple, "no one. " That made it even more angering, because I felt like he was hiding something from me. I shifted my position on the couch to look at him, my eyes basically glowing with jealousy. "Don't lie to me." 

 

"I'm not, Jean. Jesus, calm down." Marco rolled his eyes at me, and typed a reply. The dude fucking rolled his eyes at me, as if I was over reacting. I mean, at the time I probably was but at this point it doesn't matter. I stood up, ripping the phone out of his hands. I read the name at the top of the screen,  _"Eren"_. I should have fucking known it was Jaeger. "Jean what are you doing? What's gotten into you?!" Marco was clearly upset. I threw the phone on the couch, walking out of the room. 

 

Marco ran after me grabbing my shoulder. He stood there staring at me, "Nothing happened, Jean. Please don't do this." I shrugged his arm off, blinded by my jealously. How dare he say that to me. 

 

"Leave." I spoke this word so harshly, so bitterly. He walked away after that, I heard him grab his phone followed by the door closing. That was the last time I saw Marco, living without the support of the machines. I honestly get so mad at myself for acting like that, I hate myself for it. When I got the call I was told I needed to go down to identify the body. I saw the blood, there was so much. They told me he was still breathing and I had the choice to let him live or to let him die. Of course I chose live. Who the hell wouldn't? At the emergency room I saw Eren, he was a mess and boy was I ready to snap his fucking neck. I blamed him for this because at the time I didn't want to face the truth. The police officer, I think his name was Erwin or something, gave me Marco's phone.

 

"It was the only thing that wasn't damaged in the crash." He said it with so much pity, I took the phone looking at it. Marco's lockscreen was me, and same with his background. I opened up his messages to see that he was typing out a message.

 

**To: My Baby**

**Jean, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been acting suspiciously.**   **Eren and I were just talking about a gift to get you for an anniversary present. I lov**

 

He didn't even finish the message. That's when I blamed myself and I had every right to. I dropped the phone, breaking out in tears. I sat in the waiting room all night crying to myself. One by one all of our friends left, I was the only one who wouldn't move. I couldn't, everything was so heavy. In the morning they told me he was brain dead, and it's been 5 months since. 

 

He didn't deserve this, I never deserved him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Heyooooooo
> 
> This was just a weird idea that came from the song This Is Gospel by Panic! At The Disco. 
> 
> Mostly from the line in the song, "If you love me let me go"


End file.
